Thursday Humor – Satire Edition

Three-Year Old Educates Ted Cruz on Climate Change

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3-year old Julie Trant sets Ted Cruz straight on anthropogenic global warming

In a startling remark following Ted Cruz’s comment about how the “failed Obama-Clinton foreign policy” [has left] the whole world … on fire” to a New Hampshire audience,  three-year old Julie Trant tells junior Texas Senator Ted Cruz that his metaphor would be more appropriate describing man-made global warming.

Demonstrating that even a three-year old knows that climate change poses a threat to her generation the young kindergartener explained how the green house gases now exceeding natural limits in the atmosphere are a result of humans burning vast amounts of carbon-based energy sources like coal, oil and gas, while eliminating natural carbon sinks as forests are being destroyed for commercial purposes.

When Cruz tried to tell the small child that global warming has abated over the last 18 years she merely giggled and said, “Silly man.  As the earth’s albedo is reduced from melting glacier and polar ice much of the sun’s radiation that would go back into space or get absorbed by atmospheric CO2 is actually going into the oceans, overheating them and killing off marine life that is essential to our survival.

Further more”  Miss Trant informed the stunned Texas congressman, “as that ice melts it releases the methane trapped below centuries of permafrost which escapes into the atmosphere.  Methane is also a green house gas that is some 35 times more capable of trapping heat than CO2 is.”

Cruz stood up and exclaimed he didn’t know what to tell the young girl.

“Just tell me that you’ll listen to the climate science consensus on this issue sir”, the small lass replied.  “Failure to do so will mean that the world you were able to experience as a child will be seriously altered when I reach your age now.  What kind of adult allows that to happen to children?”

Visibly frustrated from this encounter with a 3-year old as he left the assembly hall Cruz could be heard muttering to one if his aides.  “Clearly that child has not been educated in Texas.”

10 responses to “Thursday Humor – Satire Edition

  1. Clearly.

    In seriousness though, in about 50 days DSCOVR will start to make its first measurements of the albedo… 16 years after Cheney/Bush killed it (in 2001) because what they evidently knew it would reveal.

    • “in about 50 days DSCOVR will start to make its first measurements of the albedo…”

      The climate deniers are already likely to be writing out their taking points to dispute these findings

    • “Cruz is a fool”
      Though this piece was a satire that doesn’t negate the truth of your comment here. Sadly though, he appeals to too many fools in Texas who vote

    • It may end that way for some. Stick ’em in room with wall to wall images of green, bucolic settings, playing Dvorak’s New World Symphony for background music and let them imagine that all is well. 🙂

      • In all honesty, Woodgate, I’m not far from taking that one-way trip to Madison Square Garden myself. (completely off-topic rant follows. Although, Cruz is Canadian and from Harper’s neck of the woods. So that’s my feeble justification..)

        My former safe haven of Canuckistan is no longer safe. PM-for-life, Stephen Harper, has fundamentally changed, if not destroyed, the longstanding Canadian identity. And he’s done it very quietly. None of the frogs (that’s not a slight on Les Quebecois) are aware that they’re being boiled. We’re virtually an American colony now, but with Medicare (for now).

        1) He’s a bigger Oil Pimp than GW Bush. He’s trying to get 2 major pipelines built against virtually everyone’s wishes, even the American government’s. One of his cabinet ministers called environmentalists “dangerous radicals” who need to be watched. Afterwards, the minister actually got promoted.

        2) Harper ass raped Canadian public services. VIA Rail has been reduced to contracting private buses to shuttle passengers from stations that no longer get service to stations that do. America loses Saturday postal delivery, but Canada Post will stop delivering mail entirely.

        3) Herr Harper has also turned Canada from a nation of Peacekeepers and Middle East Neutrals into a war mongering nation that’s more Pro-Israel than AMERICA! He’s trying to blow $50+ billion on F35s that don’t fly. And he’s got us into the Iraq War the previous government had the good sense to stay out of…despite the fact that the Iraq War is allegedly “over”.

        4) And, boy does he LOVE Big Brother! He’s about to pass yet another anti-terror law to spy even harder on Canuckistanians, all without any oversight whatsoever. Not only will it let spies go on fishing expeditions in any Canadian’s data without cause, the law will also allow a special classification of criminalized speech for anything that “poses a threat” to Canada, Canadians or individuals/corporations inside Canada. (ie “I want to punch Stephen Harper in the face.”) All without any of those messy “public trial” thingies that require evidence, probable cause, etc.

        Best Case: Your blog goes suddenly missing.
        Worst Case: You suddenly go missing.

        Word is he’s also about to announce Canada will buy drones and use them to attack “threats” (environmentalists?) abroad and in Canada.Uh, what’s that noise I hear overhead?

      • Harper is a big neo-liberal like Clinton and most Democrats here in the States. They work hand in hand with conservatives on most things that only the 1% benefit from, or so it seems.

      • Oops, forgot to include…
        2) Harper’s cuts to public broadcasting, the CBC, and his essential elimination of Canadian Content rules on TV. If it’s a public service and/or Canadian, Herr Harper hates it!

        Actually Woodgate, Harper would be DEEPLY insulted you called him a neo-liberal a-la Clinton. If you weren’t on Holy American soil, he might even send one of the drones he’s buying to go kill you. Hell, he’s just about to expand the non-war-War (Conflict?) against ISIS (VC?) in Iraq (Vietnam?) to include Syria (Cambodia?). This with neither Syria’s permission, nor by declaring war on Syria. Which, if I’m not mistaken, is a War Crime.

        Your description would have been a fairly accurate one for Canada’s Progressive Conservative Party (PC). It historically belonged in the political spectrum beside Corporate Democrats…up until the US political spectrum stampeded to the right in the 90’s dragging Canada’s with it. But Herr Harper is definitely the furthest right PM since at least WW2.

        Harper left the PC’s to join the Reform Party, Canada’s 90’s version of Teabaggers. He then made a secret agreement with a candidate for the PC leadership. Despite this PC candidate running on a clear vow NOT to merge with Reform, they had a secret deal to “merge” parties, drop the name Progressive and remove any hint that they were anything but the equivalent of today’s (non-teabagger) Republicans. In the space of 30 years, this party went from having flirtations with Socialism to confirmed Fascists.

        Oil, War, private Corporations, tax cuts, Israel and guns are now the only planks in their party platform. Outside of corporations, none of their opinions were previously represented by any party in any significant way. Shit, they don’t even care about balanced budgets anymore! They turned over a decade of surpluses into almost a decade of deficits and barely even talk about “fiscal responsibility” anymore.

        Under Herr Harper, the Conservatives are a party of Empire…not British, but American.

      • “In the space of 30 years, this party went from having flirtations with Socialism to confirmed Fascists.”

        Sounds pretty much like how the Democrats here in the states transitioned after losing to Reagan in the 80’s

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