Thursday Humor – Stupid Letters to the Editor edition



As has been my practice recently I post serious issues on Mondays (sometimes Tuesdays) then lighten the load on Thursday.  I even created a clever title for Thursday’s humor called – Thursday Humor.  My efforts to create humor however takes energy I need for writing the serious stuff.  I can only draw from my well of chuckles so much lest I drain it completely.  I need to find material that is already funny without me having to be creative, but borrowing other people’s jokes and humorous anecdotes is lazy.   What I need is serious material that also happens to be funny.

I know.  That sounds like an oxymoron but when you pause to think about it a few seconds you realize that we live in an age when people no longer keep their serious ideas and opinions to themselves, no matter how bizarre they are.  It’s the new age of freedom where people freely reveal their delusions, including any hostile feelings they have about the way the world is turning out.   And by God! – they want the world to know just how they feel.

We see these utterances in the comment sections of articles posted on-line and in letters to the editor newspaper columns.   Some are thoughtful and sometimes even poignant.   But most are stupid, childish and other-worldly.  Lingering in the back of my mind for some time now has been this notion to dedicate a line of posts on letters to the editors, mainly from my hometown newspaper in the heart of Red State Texas.  Where better to read the mindless yammering of people who have kicked and screamed coming into the 21st century.  A place where intelligence is frowned on, stockpiling assault weapons is a birthright, secession is considered Constitutional and the Bible is often mistaken as the law of the land

texassecession  The clarion call for most of these troglodytes centers around the belief that liberal loving, communist pinkos are trying to take their “God-given rights” from them.  This concern of theirs is so deep-seated that anytime legislation is enacted that actually benefits them and the rest of society it’s still seen as government overreach.  To them, speed limits are a deprivation of their freedom and mandating the use of seat belts is just one more intrusion by “the nanny state”.

This is stuff too twisted to make up so let’s begin my first ever segment of Stupid Letters to the Editor with the mindless view by one letter writer here that Texas’ “click it or ticket” seat belt law is a deprivation of freedom that even people like Thomas Jefferson, Herbert Spencer and yes, even Jesus would oppose. I am aided with the creative imagination of political cartoonist Ben Sargent who publishes his material in the Austin American-Statesman

Jesus didn’t wear a seat belt

Opposed to the “click it or ticket” mandatory seat belt law are myself, Walter Williams, the Texas Legislature, Thomas Jefferson, Herbert Spencer and Jesus! In favor are our nanny-state big government, police, the courts and apparently some jurors.
A friend told me how his tow truck pulled a car from a creek with two persons dead and still belted in, their claw marks on the dashboard, and I think a local couple died still belted in when their vehicle burned after it was struck from behind. You make it easy for a carjacker if you’re belted in, also. A local town marshal advised another friend’s wife to not use her belt. I say use a belt if you speed a lot, as police do. If you drive slowly, maybe don’t. Heavily tinted windows will help your privacy.
Nothing in any constitution authorizes such a law, and our spineless legislature grudgingly set the fine at $15, then at $50, apparently to keep receiving federal highway funds. It’s a moneymaker for government, except that I recently made courts spend thousands of dollars for two jury trials and an appeal, over one $50 fine. I encourage others to do the same, if they believe in constitutional liberty. A full jury trial costs little more than just paying the ticket!
Jurors were unfazed by what I thought Jefferson, Spencer and Jesus would say about the seat belt law, and a JP muzzled me.   – Ross Melton Jr.,


If you made it through this letter of Mr. Melton’s without suffering any mild or moderate brain trauma, I would encourage you to sit down and write a letter to the editor on your thoughts about government, Obama, abortion, freedom and why you think God has personally selected you to spread that special message the voice in your head conveys to you each day.

Now, let’s deal with Ross Jr.’s solipsistic view of the nanny state.   Jefferson, Spencer and Jesus Christ is an interesting trio of historical characters to claim as people who would oppose a state law requiring passengers to wear a safety device that has proven to save millions of lives since its inception.

I suspect Mr. Melton was presuming Jefferson’s quote about the government that governs least governs best makes him a likely supporter.  Mr. Spencer is of course automatically in favor of anything that weeds out the weakest links in society since he favors a survival of the fittest ideology and Jesus of course could never favor any state regulations because there is only one authority and it doesn’t reside in Austin, Texas.

The flaws in these assumptions are pretty obvious however.  Trying to extrapolate his narrow anti-government beliefs into the philosophies of people who haven’t had the experience of zooming down a highway at 100 mph with other vehicles on the same thin ribbon of road also going high rates of speed while texting and drinking is something that Mr. Melton clearly hasn’t considered rationally.  Jefferson wouldn’t be opposed to legislation that keeps people safe to pursue life, liberty and happiness.  Spencer wouldn’t want the children who would grow up to be the geniuses of the future to die simply because their parents were too lazy to strap a simple mechanism around them on a road trip and Jesus, … well Jesus would likely paraphrase what he told the Pharisees in Mark 12: 15-17 to render unto the law what it has established.

And if someone pulls “a car from a creek with two persons dead and still belted in, their claw marks on the dashboard”, wouldn’t you wonder why the claw marks were on the dashboard instead of around the catch on the seat belt buckles?  The quirky thinking here of Mr. Melton is that a stuck seat belt is likely to keep people in their cars in violent accidents but somehow poses no problem for a car jacker.  It’s easier to yank someone out of their car seat-belted in instead of one who has chosen to free themselves of such needless restraints??  Interesting.

Then we are informed by Ross Melton, Jr. that its okay to break this law because some yokel town Marshal told him it was okay.  I don’t know about you but I think I would like to have the name and phone number of that town Marshall in case the highway patrol or city cop who stops me if I’m not wearing my seat belt will be convinced that I had authoritative permission to do so from one of their bros.

And I hate to break it to Ross but the tinted glass in the front window is never as dark as the rest of the glass because the “nanny state” has also made this a violation we all must contend with.  I think it has something to do with lower visibility at night making it easier to hit those people who are expressing their freedom to pull out in front of us when the mood strikes them.

For Mr. Melton to suggest that “Nothing in any constitution authorizes such a law,” would only be true if you haven’t taken the time to actually read any constitution.  Go straight to Article II, Section 1 in that document he and his Tea Party rowdies like to wave in people’s faces.  And to validate that intelligence is low on the list here for people of Mr. Melton’s breed,  having “courts spend thousands of dollars for two jury trials and an appeal, over one $50 fine” only means he has wasted tax payer dollars, some of them his own, in trying to show us what an imbecile he is.



That’s it for now but you can be sure that there is a bottomless pit of crackpots here that will continue to supply us with their stupid letters to the editor.  And I’ll be right there to share them with you on Thursday Humor days.  Hell, the Tea Party candidates just beat out their Republican opponents in the state primary runoffs here and are likely to win the November elections in a state that has most people convinced that anyone who doesn’t worship at the shrine of Ted Cruz is unworthy to hold office.  I can hardly wait for it all to find its way into the public domain.


14 responses to “Thursday Humor – Stupid Letters to the Editor edition

  1. Larry, like fine wine, you just keep getting better . . . until you turn to vinegar, uh, no! Dude! Good job! If California is the Granola State (What ain’t fruits and nuts is flakes.) what is Texas? (I know, I know, you were told there would be no homework.)

    • In an effort to display Texas’ geographical & environmental diversity the TravelTexas website promoted the state as a “whole other country”. It’s actually becoming a “hole in the country”. A bottomless pit where the lunatics come to nest and dumb down what was traditionally a populist state. 😦

  2. “I think it has something to do with lower visibility at night making it easier to hit those people who are expressing their freedom to pull out in front of us when the mood strikes them.”

    Applause, this made me spit my coffee 🙂

  3. oooh freedumb…I like that…I will appropriate it, because as I have always said, the last original idea was issued Dec 14, 1963…or thereabouts.

    • Amazingly there was a response from a local fire chief that chastised Ross Jr. for his stupid point of view. Two days after his letter Capt. Boots with the Denton FD posted this letter which in itself was amazing because the norm is by the time the Denton Record-Chronicle gets your letter it is generally 7-10 days before it gets published in the letters column.

      • That’s twice this has happened. Try this one and if you get the same thing near the top roll your cursor over the word “OPINION” then click on “letters”. Click on the letters for May 30th. Hopefully this link will get you there

  4. Boy and Howdy….peoples write the dumbest stuff. My Brother-in-law is and editor for a small newspaper. He would regularly share the ones they ‘could not’ print, mostly because they were very very stupid. I remember the one that recommeded ‘moving’ the Mississippi River as a solution to flooded towns.
    My sister taught English for 34 years…. I will always remember the term paper one of her students wrote about a Shakespeare play, “The Comedy of Airs”. Classic stuff.

    • “. I will always remember the term paper one of her students wrote about a Shakespeare play, “The Comedy of Airs”. Classic stuff.”

      LOL. That’s as funny as the one where a father’s small son is listening to the CCR tune Bad Moon Rising with him and misinterprets the words “there’s a bad moon on the rise” for “there’s a bathroom on the right” 🙂

  5. Brilliant piece. Never mind reading these nutters’ letters, you should try interviewing them and keeping a straight face. I had to go talk to a politician once who was sure the Japanese were using the building of a new ‘Peace Pagoda’ as an excuse to hide an atomic bomb.

    • ” I had to go talk to a politician once who was sure the Japanese were using the building of a new ‘Peace Pagoda’ as an excuse to hide an atomic bomb.”

      It’s scary that these people actually get elected

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