Deceptions Are a Girls Best Friend?

photo by Frederick Palileo

photo by Frederick Palileo

I haven’t posted material from my friend and comic relief, Donna Cavanagh over at HumorOutcast.com in some time.  Let me remedy that now.  Donna always has a jovial perspective on the way people view their world and in this post she takes a swipe at those women who cave to the image industry that always makes women feel they have to look as if their ready to substitute for a runway model.

 

The New Weapons in Flab Fighting

June 4, 2013

By Donna Cavanagh

flabby arm

I just saw a commercial for Amazing Arms,  magic sleeves that women slip on to hide flab in the upper arm region.  So, now when we wave goodbye or dance in public, our arm fat stays in place.  Amazing Arms joins the array of products that women use to deceive the world that they possess no body fat whatsoever.  Let’s see: We have Spanx to suck in our tummies and if we buy the leg Spanx, our thighs look smooth and firm, we can get the Genie bra to lift our boobs so we always look 20 instead of 45, we have the booty padding underwear which gives our derriere a lift.  Who needs plastic surgery with all these accessories?  If they came up with a face cheek thinner, I would be ultra thin everywhere.

I have to wonder though what happens if a woman wears all this stuff and then has to face the prospect of an intimate moment with someone else.  My mind goes to the movies where sexy jazz music plays as the cameras pan on clothing and lingerie strewn across the floor which alerts the viewer that the “Dance with no Pants” has taken place. I have seen a lot of those tossed clothing scenes, and never in any of them  have I noticed Spanx, tummy flattening underwear, rear-end boosting panties, a genie bra or Amazing Arms upper arm fat slimmers.  I might be wrong here, but I would think by the time a woman peeled off all these body helpers, the guy would have fallen asleep.

My other problem with all these body-toning undergarments is this: when the romantic moment does come and assuming one can get out of all these undergarments, does one’s body just explode out?  I don’t know why but my mind is picturing an inflatable life raft or an airbag on a car.  Sure, it’s nice and neat under wraps, but pull on the wrong tab, and “Whoosh”, a potential romantic partner can be suffocated or at least injured in the undressing.

Last point and most important: where are the men’s fat-stuffing clothes? How come there isn’t an Amazing Arms for men?  Oh, I know there are men tummy trimmers but for the most part, men in the public eye wear those.  How come the everyday guy does not worry about his beer gut hanging out or thigh friction being a problem? I have yet to hear my husband ask if he has underwear line with his jeans.

Am I against these fat-slimming products? No, I probably own all of them with the exception of the Amazing Arms. I refuse to wear fake sleeves so my upper arms don’t shake.  I look at life this way: If there are people who are going to judge me on my upper arm fat and how much it sways in the breeze, I probably don’t want to hang around with those people anyway.  In my view, my arm fat is part of who I am. If you don’t like it, don’t stand next to me as I wave goodbye. I would hate to critically injure you with flying flab.

donna cavanagh  Donna Cavanagh

Donna Cavanagh, the Founder of HumorOutcasts.com and the newly launched HumorOutcasts Press/Shorehouse Books, is a veteran journalist whose detour into humor writing has landed her on the pages and blogs of national newspapers and magazines including MORE and FIRST. A former humor columnist for Journal Register Papers, she was a USA Books Contest finalist for her first book “Life On The Off Ramp”. A new book which she helped pen with her dogs “A Canine’s Guide to the Good Life” has joined two other published humor books “Reality: Fantasy’s Evil Twin” and “Try and Avoid the Speed Bumps”. Host of BlogTalk’s HumorOutcasts Radio, Donna’s goal is to help writers find their audience. She hopes to make HumorOutcasts.com THE place to go to for a daily laugh and HumorOutcasts Press, THE place where writers can achieve their publishing dream.

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5 responses to “Deceptions Are a Girls Best Friend?

  1. I always imagine a small pair of shears slipping along the seams of these undergarments, and the ensuing spillage of human flesh pushing forth, until the poor woman can no longer fit inside the room she is in. And she just grows, and grows, and .. . .hehhee

  2. The belly fat that came with that ‘certain age’ is highly annoying, but the thought of being encased in “Spanx” (???!!!) is beyond unbearable.

  3. Donna’s stuff is always entertaining……..just to let you know I have started posting again on Gulf South Free press…..you were a valued reader back in the day and would love to see you there again.

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