You’ve Been Pimped

WARNING FOR ALL WOMEN: Male Sex Education Follows 

For anyone who sits in front of a computer screen daily and opens their browser page, they will inevitably be hit with an ad that appeals to a male’s testosterone levels.  Lord knows most men are compelled to feel they can still effect an erection “naturally” without the aid of a drug like Viagra® and Cialis®.  So when an ad very similar to the one here appears on your screen, what hot-blooded man is not going to see what’s behind such “weirdness”.

 testosterone ad

It turns out however that “natural” will have little to do with what’s promised you.    Once you’ve clicked on the link that says Learn More, you quickly realize that the only thing you will “learn” is that you have once again become the victim of the oldest con since the snake convinced Eve of what great things lay in store for her upon eating that forbidden fruit.

If you were thinking that clicking on the link would reveal even greater “weirdness” than some voluptuous, nubile, scantily-clad woman running through golden fields of wheat softly caressing her thighs, you will soon deflate to the reality that you’ve been pimped, and not in a good way.

Replacing that well-rounded, long-haired vixen beauty is a serious ad that may or may not have another female tease at the top of it but will read like some snake oil sells pitch.   Every good snake oil sells pitch will have the following characteristics.

  • The market is abuzz with many products that promise X but there is only one that guarantees it.  Our’s.

  • It’s the latest and greatest.  Everybody’s talking about it so don’t be left out

  • A few alleged testimonials from generic “satisfied” customers like Bob, Derrick and Ron

  • The pretentious claims about the product

Following all of this is the assurance that if you’re not satisfied there’s a money back guarantee.   Sad to say the testosterone product in this particular case doesn’t offer this money back guarantee but it does offer free samples.  But guess what?  Yep, you will need to give them a credit card number and pay for the shipping and handling for a 14-day supply.  So much for free.

Beware though, in the fine print  below the point that you have already submitted your payment for is the comment that there is “no obligation to buy anything in the future, AS LONG AS YOU CALL TO CANCEL WITHIN 18 DAYS OF PLACING YOUR ORDER.”   Unless you catch this caveat up front you’re sure to do so about 18 days following the placement of your order when a full 6-months supply of the product arrives in your mailbox and a hit on your credit card for the low, low price of $199.00 has already occurred.

So what do you get for all of your efforts?   Well according to their findings – the ones they gleaned from the likes of Bob, Derrick and Ron – you may experience the following

  • Boosted Libido

  • More Energy

  • Increased Performance

  • More Strength and Endurance

What happens however if you take the 14-day supply and you don’t convince yourself that you are experiencing all of these improvements?   Call them.  I’m sure they’ll ask you what they stated in the ad.   Did you take the pills in conjunction with “the help of a regular strength training routine”?  You did catch that part of the ad didn’t you?

Now I haven’t thoroughly investigated this product so I can’t tell you for sure that this product will do what it says but I can be pretty sure of one thing.   Without engaging in a vigorous strength training routine all you are likely to get is an introduction to your body of chemicals that promise much but are dubious at best.   The ingredients for this product are listed below:

Testofen

Ginseng Blend

Tribulus Terrestris

Cordyceps Sinensis

Vitamin D

Vitamin B6

You get all the free Vitamin D you need by getting out in the sun periodically.   Vitamin B6 can be ingested through good foods like brown rice, potatoes and chickpees.  As for the other ingredients?  Well, don’t get too excited about their claims as stand alone sources of male enhancement.  One google search for Testofen found the following caveat.

There are several criticisms of Testofen™, however. A number of experts dispute the claims made by clinical tests on the compound, citing that most tests were conducted on mice, not humans, and were, therefore, not predictive of the compound’s effect on men. In addition, much attention is brought to the fact that a large number of tests that were conducted on human subjects were privately funded by pharmaceutical companies with ties to Testofen™, a situation that might potentially lead to infected results.   SOURCE

I hope every man has a long and vigorous sex life, including myself.   After a while though the effort seems hardly worth it and you can achieve the same effect going solo.  This obviously applies equally to women who many have already learned to achieve this even during sex with their male partners.  But I’m not here to tear down my gender.

I am here to advise them that what many expensive products claim they will do for your love life can just as easily be obtained by staying healthy on your own through exercise and a proper diet and perhaps an occasional porn video during certain lulls.  If erectile dysfunction is not forthcoming with this then a red flag should be going up.  Failure to “get it up” is the canary in the coal mine, warning you that excesses in certain foods, alcoholic drinks and lifestyle are fixing to lay a big heart disease whoop ass on you.  If you think an unresponsive Johnson is depressing laying in bed with your woman, wait until some 300 pound para-medic is giving you chest compressions in an attempt to revive you from a heart attack.

So rather than sitting in front of a computer screen everyday as you eat your cheese doodles and drink a large Coke thinking your solution for a energetic sex life lies behind the Learn More link of an ad with an appealing woman, toss the junk food, exercise frequently and quit fantasizing that anything hot like this really wants you crawling under the sheets with her.

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15 responses to “You’ve Been Pimped

  1. I think there can be a Nocebo effect to these types of things as well … Aside from having immediate negative, psychosomatic symptoms … There is also the possibility of reinforcing the belief that there is more wrong with you than there is.

  2. It’s only fair….women have been dealing with “inhanced boobs” forever. Bout time you guys had to deal with your own inhancement problems. lol

  3. Just so happens I recently watched a documentary (I think it was “Forks over Knives”) where they showed that Erectile Dysfunction was the early warning of clogged arteries (the next symptom often being death from a heart attack). All pretty much the result of our Western Diet – think fast food and the junk they subsidize found in the middle aisles of the supermarkets.

    • Yes, I saw the documentary Gunta and have been preaching and practicing it for about the last 2 months. Wrote about here and here.

      I believe it was a cardiologist in Chicago that pointed this out about the endothelial cells that line the arteries and vessels being damaged from an oil and meat diet, constricting the blood flow which inhibits male erections. So when this ability is diminished then you know heart attacks may soon follow unless you change your diet. I’m a believer.

      Just got my lab blood test back and they showed a 40 point drop in my cholesterol rate. It is the lowest I have seen since I started monitoring it years ago.

  4. Great post Larry. Who’s testosterone levels wouldn’t just naturally rise if a big boobed, dark-haired vixen came prancing towards ya in a filed of hay (a lay in the hay?). Mine would go through the roof.
    But just in case I don’t see one of those, but rather see some 65 year old woman laying around the house all day. Where can I get somma that shit?

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