When it Comes to Psychic Visions, I See Squat


Storefront Psychic fortuneteller in Downtown C...

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My good friend Donna Cavanagh has once again found humor in a most unusual place.

I took part in an event I have been looking forward to for months. My friend Lisa and I enrolled in our first ever “Develop your Psychic Skills” workshop. For a mere $50, we got access to one of the finest psychic minds in the Philadelphia area. On a Sunday morning, from 9 AM to noon, we learned how to develop our visual, auditory, kinesthetic and intuitive skills. Let me just say right now, we got our fifty bucks worth.

Lisa and I love psychic stuff; we admit that it fascinates us. So, when I saw this class advertised, I called her immediately and I reserved our spot for the event. When we first walked into the small meeting room at the Holiday Inn, I felt comfortable and at ease. I later learned that was my intuitive skill kicking in. It could have been visual skills too because I noticed there were only women in the class. Yes, it was like going to a Curves for the psychic mind. It’s not that men would have ruined the class, but I’m not sure if most men would approach a seminar like this with the same enthusiasm as women do. Don’t get mad, all you Y chromosome holders, I am sure there are enlightened male souls out there, but none I know who would be willing to give up three hours of their Sunday morning in the pursuit of higher consciousness unless there was a keg and a football game involved.

Anyway, there were about 15 women in the class, and to be honest, they seemed to be a bit more advanced than me. They were psychic seminar veterans, and they heard and saw stuff that sort of freaked me out. They saw spirits all over that room and according to one woman, one was sitting in the seat right next to me. She could describe him in detail down to his shoes. Not wanting to be rude, I introduced myself to the transparent gentleman but I got nothing back. These women felt cold breezes and temperature changes. Even Lisa, a fellow novice, felt things happening around her. Me? I felt nothing. I really tried, but I guess I was not connected to the other astral planes.

We did exercises to raise everyone’s vibrations because the instructor told us that higher vibrations help us connect with spirits and raise our sensitivity. I did well with the exercises so I was confident afterward that I would be setting the psychic world on fire. Then, we attempted to see each other’s auras. The psychic veterans saw the auras of everyone in the room. Lisa saw white lights and that was good for a beginner; I saw squat. When they all got up to feel our teacher’s spirit guide who came to visit and was standing in the room with us, the other women in the class felt something push back at them. Lisa felt temperature changes; I felt squat. When we paired off to learn to feel the vibration coming from another human being, Lisa felt hot and cold up and down my body; I felt squat. When we had to pass our hands over a red, yellow and green card to sense the different energy levels that colors emit, Lisa felt tingling; I felt squat.

Yes, three hours and $50 later, I felt nothing but squat. In fairness, the instructor, who holds a PhD in psychology, did warn us that not everyone would experience success in the three-hour period. It takes daily practice to develop skills, so it could be that I might just be a late bloomer. That is the freaking story of my life! Just once, I would like to be ahead of the curve at something. I’ll take anything. I am not picky.

In an effort to remain a good sport, I did volunteer to stand in front of the room so that the other women could practice describing my aura. After one woman asked me to pat down my hair, so it didn’t distract her, the aura reading began. Since I had never been an aura volunteer before, I found the experience to be illuminating – no pun intended. I learned that the aura is a colorful light map to all the physical and emotional issues that exist in one’s life, and these psychic women had a field day with me. Apparently, I have issues – lots and lots of issues. By the end of that reading, I was ready to hit every medical specialist from a psychiatrist down to a podiatrist, but they also told me that my aura had a lot of yellow by my head which symbolizes creativity, so that balanced the bad stuff out, and I was happy again.

I have to say it was an enjoyable morning except for everyone seeing dead people and me having a tumultuous aura and not being able to sense squat, and not learning next week’s Powerball numbers. But I did learn new and interesting things. I could have stayed for the afternoon session that was going to teach people how to communicate with the dead, but I opted out. I don’t think I am ready to talk to the dead. I have enough trouble communicating with the living, so maybe it’s best if I take this psychic stuff one step at a time.


Donna is a published humorists who has written two books – “Reality: Fantasy’s Evil Twin”now available on Amazon and “Life on the Off Ramp” She is also the author of “Poems for a Positive Day II” which like her “Life on the Off Ramp” was named as award-winning finalists of the Best Books 2010 Awards, sponsored by USA Book News. She is also a featured guest humor writer for More.com and Divine Caroline as well.


4 responses to “When it Comes to Psychic Visions, I See Squat

  1. 🙂 I’m very into the metaphysical arts, and this cracked me up.

    By the end of that reading, I was ready to hit every medical specialist from a psychiatrist down to a podiatrist, but they also told me that my aura had a lot of yellow by my head which symbolizes creativity, so that balanced the bad stuff out, and I was happy again.

    Haha they were right about the creativity. Maybe not about all the other stuff, but still.

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