Could Muammar Gadaffi and Charlie Sheen Compete Without Bloodshed on DWTS?

After so many serious posts here lately I thought we could stand some comic relief. Enter Donna Cavanagh.  Donna has allowed me to repost two other selections from the AC Yahoo site we both contribute to.  I like to refer to her as a contemporary of the great female humorist, Erma Bombeck.  For her treat today, Donna speculates on who else might be a possible candidates for the hit reality TV show “DANCING WITH THE STARS” after it was discovered that the ever quixotic Christine O’Odonnell was considered a likely candidate.

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I read rather recently – translation — five minutes ago, that Dancing With the Stars has asked witch-turned-tea party political hopeful and diva, Christine O’Donnell, to be a contestant. I am starting to wonder about this show. I thought it might have jumped the shark when it invited Bristol Palin, but now I am sure of it.

First of all, it wouldn’t be a fair contest. How do we know that Christine won’t use her sorcery to get top scores from the judges and television audience. Oh, you scoff do you? Well, let me just say two words to you: Kate Gosselin. If there is any evidence of witchcraft among us, it is that woman. How else do you explain her meteoric rise to fame and her appearance on DWTS? What did she do to earn her place in the show? She gave birth. I gave birth, and no one has invited me to the show. Okay, I had a six-pound baby and she had six babies at one time, but so what? Six of one; half a dozen of the other. It’s true; I have no math skills.

Anyway, to help Dancing With The Stars in their search for new talent, I have come up with a short list of possible contestants for future seasons. Now, these suggestions are not written in stone, but I have done research – I asked my neighbor, Nona, who is an avid DWTS fan about my list, and she assured me that these additions would set the show’s ratings on fire:

  1. Muammar Gadaffi – I think he will soon have some free time on his hands. The trouble-ensconced leader might follow the path of some of the other leaders of the Arab world and leave the office that he had won through nothing but fair and honest elections. If he needs a partner for the show, he can call Hosni Mubarek who also has decided the presidency was not for him. I am not sure if DWTS allows same-sex partnering, but I bet they would make an exception for this duo.

2. Pope Benedict XVI – If there is any institution in need of a good Public Relations campaign, it is the Catholic Church and what better way to promote your faith than on DWTS. I think it would do the Pope good to show off those Prada shoes and look like he can let it all hang out and relax a bit. He already has the wardrobe and jewelry, and the DWTS audience would appreciate the effort, and he would do a good job counteracting Christine O’Donnell’s witch powers.

3. Barbra Streisand – I think she would be fabulous to watch on this show. No one enchants an audience like Barbra and if her dancing isn’t up to par, she could sing and that would just wow the whole place. A double advantage: She is Jewish and that would balance out the Muslim presence a bit. Everything in the world needs to be balanced be it international politics or a TV show dedicated to ballroom dancing.

4.Julian Assange or WikiLeaks – Come on, tell me you wouldn’t tune in for this guy? The problem is no one would want to be his partner because he can’t keep a secret and there is also the possibility that he might not show up for his performances.

5. Charlie Sheen – Another one headed for the unemployment line, and I think he would get on rather well with the Arab contingent although he and the Pope might have some issues.

6. Madonna- Need I go into this one? Dancing, singing, thrusting and possibly swearing — she has it all.

7. The Democrats in the Wisconsin State Assembly – They are obviously not needed and unwelcome in their state political arena for a while, so like Sheen and the Arab leaders, they have a lot of hours left in the day that need to be filled.

I am sure there are more famous folk who would like a stab at a new career, and even if you don’t make it on DWTS, there is always that ice skating show that takes celebrities with damaged or dead careers. If that doesn’t work, Celebrity Boxing is hoping for a comeback.

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I had suggested Susan Boyle over Barbara Streisand but then everyone might become upset if Susan forgot to shave.

Thanks Donna

Donna is a published humorists who has written two books – “Reality: Fantasy’s Evil Twin” now available on Amazon and “Life on the Off Ramp” She is also the author of “Poems for a Positive Day II” which like her “Life on the Off Ramp” was named as award-winning finalists of the Best Books 2010 Awards, sponsored by USA Book News. She is also a featured guest humor writer for More.com and Divine Caroline as well.

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